dont talk to me about hardcore please.
ive gotten my ass kicked being a "punker" or a "headbanger"
ive walked miles through a place where "people like me shouldnt be" and been robbed,beaten and spit on to get to hardcore shows.
ive been detained by cops, slammed into walls, onto the floor, handcuffed and choked witha night stick en route to hardcore shows.
the shows i went to there werent "kids" there was men.
grown men, angry men with guns and knives and hiding from the cops and they "moshed".
not what you do or call moshing.
if you wanted to see the show you didnt "risk" getting hit, you were getting hit and moshed and smashed into walls by the most fucked up people youve ever seen, and you were barely 16 and weighed about 100 pounds.
what you do is lame, what you do is empty and vacuous and soulless.
it isnt a community, stop saying it is.
throwing a bunch of fucks in the same room because they want to be the big fish in a small pond does not make it a community.
its highschool.
dont talk to me about hardcore, i know things change and i know what it is now isnt what it was for me,i accept that.
but dont presume to have something in common with me, dontpretend to understand what its like to want nothing more to be in a room full of people as fucked up as you, as pissed off as you,as heartbroken as you and poor as you and getting fucked up on the way there,while there and on the way home because you finally found a small fucking sanctuary of people YOU understood.
wether you spoke to them or not.
dont pretend you understand what its like to try to fathom the irony of leaving the only place you feel comfortable to go "home"
Am i pissed because i no longer fit in with "hardcore" or punk shows?
am i pissed because im no longer "relevant" in a scene?
am i pissed because kids dont care about my band?
Im pissed because i have nowhere to go anymore
im pissed because im forced to settle for some shitty,twisted shadow of a thing i loved and all it does it make me remember how happy i used to be for small amounts of time each week.
i dont fault you for having a good time.
i dont fault you for enjoying Have Heart and whatever else is "sick"
i dont fault you for trying to find someplace to be comfortable
i fault you for thinking were the same or have some connection
i fault you for thinking you've earned something by showing up for your hardcore
i fault you for thinking what i did and what you do are the same.
im glad you got black eye or bloody nose in the pit one time while dancing and loved it.
im glad you beat up some kid for talking shit on your friends with all you friends and loved it.
im glad you appear to love what you scream at some kid whose gonna quit his band in a year and go to college.
i hope you really feel the joy you claim
But dont compare us.
You havent bled like ive bled
you havent lost what ive lost
and you wont.
and thats fine, were not the same
but dont insult me, and what we had and did and belittle it by pretending you have even the capacity to grasp what it was.
and what it meant and what it did.
its not the same.
You havent bled like ive bled and you wont.
(hi jayme)
