Wolvesblood

2008-12-16T08:26:00.000-08:00

Thats it
bottom line, my hair is stupid.
its not that its receding a little bit,i can deal with that, shit im 30 for christ sakes.
its these two stupid hair cowlicks or whatever their called that make the hair in the front of my head just grow BACKWARDS when the majority of my hair is growing forwards.
this makes my hair look stupid,always.
i like my hair short but there is no way to do it without this clusterfuck just looking like the bay of pigs of hair.
"So why don't you grow it out a bit?"
Funny you should ask, because my hair is not straight
its not curly either(thank god)
its some weird phase between curly and wavy
but the shit stays straight for a little bit till the bottom then the bottom of the hairs get wavy and shit.
What the fuck is this?
there's nothing i can do,Ive tried straightening it but im lazy and im not buying a straightener or some weird gel shit that costs 40$ a bottle.
So in closing, my hair style
or "The bay of pigs" as i like to call it
is stupid
i have stupid hair.

youre pissed.

2008-09-11T10:11:00.001-07:00

dont talk to me about hardcore please.

ive gotten my ass kicked being a "punker" or a "headbanger"

ive walked miles through a place where "people like me shouldnt be" and been robbed,beaten and spit on to get to hardcore shows.

ive been detained by cops, slammed into walls, onto the floor, handcuffed and choked witha night stick en route to hardcore shows.

the shows i went to there werent "kids" there was men.

grown men, angry men with guns and knives and hiding from the cops and they "moshed".

not what you do or call moshing.

if you wanted to see the show you didnt "risk" getting hit, you were getting hit and moshed and smashed into walls by the most fucked up people youve ever seen, and you were barely 16 and weighed about 100 pounds.

what you do is lame, what you do is empty and vacuous and soulless.

it isnt a community, stop saying it is.

throwing a bunch of fucks in the same room because they want to be the big fish in a small pond does not make it a community.

its highschool.

dont talk to me about hardcore, i know things change and i know what it is now isnt what it was for me,i accept that.

but dont presume to have something in common with me, dontpretend to understand what its like to want nothing more to be in a room full of people as fucked up as you, as pissed off as you,as heartbroken as you and poor as you and getting fucked up on the way there,while there and on the way home because you finally found a small fucking sanctuary of people YOU understood.

wether you spoke to them or not.

dont pretend you understand what its like to try to fathom the irony of leaving the only place you feel comfortable to go "home"

Am i pissed because i no longer fit in with "hardcore" or punk shows?

am i pissed because im no longer "relevant" in a scene?

am i pissed because kids dont care about my band?

Im pissed because i have nowhere to go anymore

im pissed because im forced to settle for some shitty,twisted shadow of a thing i loved and all it does it make me remember how happy i used to be for small amounts of time each week.

i dont fault you for having a good time.

i dont fault you for enjoying Have Heart and whatever else is "sick"

i dont fault you for trying to find someplace to be comfortable

i fault you for thinking were the same or have some connection

i fault you for thinking you've earned something by showing up for your hardcore

i fault you for thinking what i did and what you do are the same.

im glad you got black eye or bloody nose in the pit one time while dancing and loved it.

im glad you beat up some kid for talking shit on your friends with all you friends and loved it.

im glad you appear to love what you scream at some kid whose gonna quit his band in a year and go to college.

i hope you really feel the joy you claim

But dont compare us.

You havent bled like ive bled

you havent lost what ive lost

and you wont.

and thats fine, were not the same

but dont insult me, and what we had and did and belittle it by pretending you have even the capacity to grasp what it was.

and what it meant and what it did.

its not the same.

You havent bled like ive bled and you wont.

(hi jayme)

home.

2008-08-31T07:10:00.001-07:00

first check out these bands.

PLAGUES: The record is called "I AM" their from Oklahoma and on Debello records. We got to play with these dudes on a last minute show put on by our buddy Dallas and this band was just one of 4 that stood out that night.I strongly suggest getting the record if you're into just crushingly heavy hardcore that just chunks on and rarely gets any faster than slowish almost two step type beat.
amazing.
The record is fantastic but my only critique is this record WILL disappoint you if you get to see them first, thats in no way taking anything away from the record, but live this band is so heavy that it will shake your balls to to climax.

Maruta: Also on this show our tour intersected with this band, fuck.i dont even know what genre this three piece would fall under but heavy as shit hardcore punk. The crusty influences here are very apparent but there is definitely something fresh and exciting about this band that i dont find in most of the "crusty" bands nowadays. killer stuff, great guys.

ill be putting up more of these bands later.

Big thanks to Mike Kelly and Seamless entertainment for totally ruining this tour,booking shows a week in advance really gives promoters a chance to promote shows. When you couple that with the fact that half the "promoters" you use are about 18 years old really makes for some great experiences. About half these shows were canceled or booked a week in advance so don't be upset you didn't hear about them, i don't think anyone did. Its also great getting contracts for shows that were never actually booked, making you think shows were waiting for you.
The shows that DID go down though,were fucking amazing and thanks to everyone who came out and hung out with us.

The Banner is writing a new record.
Really?
Yes.
Ill be writing a new EP with Will (Frailty) again real soon called "Crippling Despair" this record will be more experimental and trying alot of things i wasn't sure about doing on Frailty.

What label will this be released on?

Big news on this is forthcoming,im sure you'll all be very happy.

Putting the gun down.

2008-06-26T16:56:00.000-07:00

So as things always work with this fucking curse The Banner, we had to come home early. Personal reasons arose that made it impossible to go any further,so like the pussy i am i lurched home 4 days early.

lovely.

What made it all the more tough to deal with was the fact that this was far and away the best tour we had ever done, on all accounts. The shows were amazing, kids were seemingly very into what we were doing and really enjoying themselves and praising the new material and being very gracious (im still stunned by Frailty's response) . Secondly, but no less an issue, was the bond that we had formed with our label mates/ tour mates in such a short time. Going into this tour and seeing/hearing the other bands and knowing nothing of them i have to admit i had some pre-conceived notions and fears about what i could expect from the other dudes sharing the trail with us.

holy shit was i an asshole.

Not only were they some of the most dedicated and genuine musicians i have encountered in my years in a band but some of the most down to earth, approachable and likable people ive ever met.Synt,Elysia,Knights and AGAGAG all blew me away with their performances each night as well as their clear love for the music they made. I had heard all the bands prior, at least a few songs but the live show for each, specifically synt, melted my brain.

If you have not seen SYNT live and are into aggressive music at all it is imperative that you go see this band at once. I had heard the cd a few times before and enjoyed it but seeing them live each night, taking nothing from the merits of the recording itself, made the cd absolutely useless to me. What Drew, Andy and Fox put together each night was unreal and a distinct pleasure to get watch. Thats not to mention watching them (including Dallas) run around and jump like a bunch of spastic retard monkeys having a blast.
And Fox's negativity on the mic? Beautiful, gorgeous,perfect.

A girl a gun a ghost, these idiots , or hardcore-cockroaches as i call them have more heart than i have seen in a group in a long time. I think they broke down three times and had their van broken into once and still,somehow trucked it out to each show. These guys are unreal and their record is solid through and through.
Alaskan king...fuck.
i wish i had learned the lyrics :( (next time guys)

KNIGHTS OF THE ABYSS metal,fuck, metal. perfect every night, brutal every night, stoned every night..and they have a viking (THEE VIKING) on Keyboards. Why this band is only part time escapes me but they shred harder than most full time bands so fuck it.

Elysia, Zak,Chris,John,Steve and Garrett. Now this band combined may weigh as much as any one member of The Banner but they more than make up for it in energy. Its rare you encounter a band, especially in the "hardcore/post-hardcore/metal-core" genre that gets on stage and plays as hard as these guys do and clearly loves every second of it. There was not a show they played on the tour where you looked at any of the guys and thought there was any place they would rather be.
The song from Lion of Judas (which i absolutely recommend to anyone) i really dug, and hearing the new songs they played every night i was really into what i heard. It wasn't until i got home and really got to sit down with the lyrics and give them the attention they deserved that i realized just what kind of record it was. I feel with the current excitement about this band and what they did on Masochist (which is not a bad record by any stretch) they could've taken the easy way and put out a "sure thing" that wouldve been eaten up by the retards at large. Instead what they did is record a record that was clearly crafted with love for the music they had written and a desire to push themselves artistically in an atmosphere that is largely unkind to such a practice, or maybe they just didn't want to humiliate themselves in front of Kurt at God City i suppose it doesn't matter as the record is gold.

Ok enough cock sucking for one blog post, music aside im going to miss everybody in all of these bands. Im going to miss struggling to get to my feet and crawling out of the van in pain and being instantly put in a better mood because Fox will be laughing at something with that laugh of his or i get to being a complete dick to Chris for no reason other than hes small and reminds me of my little brother or the knights dudes whipping around on those weird skateboard stick things they had or AGAGAG stepping out of the van looking like they just escaped a disaster.

or seeing if Zak had survived the night because each day he looked like he might keel over at any minute.

im going to miss them all.

And its very weird for me to come to the realization that i, of all people me, suddenly has 26 more people i consider friends.

but im sure ill get used to it.

best summer ever.

p.s. I did not forget you Kooter <3

Funerals.

2008-05-28T11:38:00.001-07:00

Recently in an interview i was asked for some more insight to the sound Funerals on the new record. I found the request odd as lyrically i don't think the song is very strong or a standout by any means and wondered what struck the interviewer that made him want to know more. Regardless i answered the question and thought it would be something some people might be interested in.

"Well the song specifically isn't just about "Funerals" as in someone being buried, Don't get me wrong its definitely a huge influence for the song, but its also about long standing parts of your life that sometimes you maybe take for granted or don't realize how important to you they are and then they're suddenly gone and it either effects your life in a huge way or is just a catalyst for a flood of emotion or realization on how much things have changed,in this case for the worse.Honestly I'm an emotional retard, its feast or famine with me I'm either completely indifferent to the point i have no idea whats wrong with me or I'm just crippled with depression or anger to the point i cant function. For this reason i usually don't attend funerals, I'm either scared ill break down or nervous i don't look upset enough when my brain is actually going a thousand miles a minute.I'm not gonna mention specific names but the one person who passed away a few years ago that really had me thinking about where i started and where i was and the huge distance between the two was a fixture in my life when i first got into punk and hardcore as well as part of the scene where i really started figuring out who i was and wanted to be as a person. When he passed i hadn't spoken to him for about a year and i was just stunned,All these memories of me running around like a psycho with my equally ridiculous friends in the essex/bergen county hardcore/punk "scene", not giving a shit about anything, starting bands, drawing tshirts, fighting, graffiti , it was honestly the best times of my life. Sneaking out of my house to walk down to Newark to the pipeline every Thursday and weekend to see any band that was playing and to just see my friends who would be there for no reason other than it was a place to go.Id wake up and know that id have to turn the brain off till i got through a day of work at a shitty job and then id get to go hang out.Id have no idea what was gonna happen but it was gonna be amazing. It was awesome and there was never any doubts or cares about anything. Somehow in the years that past as those kids went to jail or got kids or just moved away somehow i ended up somewhere else with a new group of kids and i became totally jaded and angry and violent, it just sucked. Every time one of those kids passes away or even Friends outside the scene i had at that time passes i just think if i knew how shitty life without being surrounded by the poorest,ugliest, craziest kids i knew i would've been a thousand times crazier and just appreciated it so much more.Nowadays i sit in a shitty job hating it and seething at the world watching the clock till i can go home, hug my girl watch a movie and go to bed. Occasionally ill read a comic book or something or go to a show to see a friends band, but that means immersing myself in just a see a of kids who i for the most part don't understand, don't like and for the most part completely resent, and i find myself just trying to figure how most of my adult life has been spent as a part of the new jersey hardcore/punk scene and somehow now feel completely removed from it, like I'm some kind of visitor or something.I have some good aspects of my life now, some extremely good aspects and some lifelong friends who make my life at least tolerable, but not a day goes by i don't miss those kids and that era.But i suppose that's how life is for everybody and I'm just being an old cranky bitch who knows.
Also,i for the most part kinda hate the song funerals lyrically sometimes, most songs i sit and try to write something worthwhile to represent the feelings that lead to the song, sorta invest some effort that i feel the topic is due. But then sometimes i have a page of words that just came out in gush from a really low point and i just have to use them because they may not be the most poetic stuff or even make sense but they re real and represent the emotion behind the song better than any lame rhyme i could figure out for a stupid hardcore chant."

The full interview will be appearing in Rocksound magazine in the near future, thank you to Andy Kelham.

Frailty Lyrics

2008-05-24T16:59:00.000-07:00

Welcome Fuckers (Will played this on a smashed guitar that we stretched strings on with scissors,i think we wrote the music to this in ten minutes?)
Welcome fuckers its the end as you know
Welcome time to reap what you've sowed
Welcome fuckers with your face so cold
doesn't matter,lake of fire your new home
Nobody's listening little boy wipe your eyes
little bastard dont look so surprised
Little fuckers you weap and you moan
little brother what you gave you will own
did you know better? are you sorry? i dont know
doesn't matter wave goodbye as your thrown

The Wolf
i walk the path to tragedy
a worthless heart without empathy
as the sun now sets upon these chains
colossus rots where once were flames
rots and rusts in blackened fields
agonys screamed (at) the gates to hell
i crawl on towards deaths mercy
kept at arms length, theres no release.
i fall shivering (in) the shadow of the beast
seven serpents crawl up my legs and smother me
i am a liar to the crown
i dance on the tombs of kings and spit on hallowed ground
screams burn like fire, but make no sound.
i cower here a prisoner on the shore to the blackest sea
i ask not why the wolf howls
it howls for me
and i see the tide crawl in time with iron bells
call me back to father in the pits of seven hells.
and i fall.

Leechbath
Crushed under the weight of their writhing fits
teeth like hooks carve deep within
the heartless
and empty
feeding inside
swallowing what little lights in my life
spineless,the cowards
devoid of all depth
surround me, cling tightly
suck the life from my chest
you've
failed
every
day
you've
woke
you scum
you fucks
listen
and
choke
im buried alive, they crawl around me
blink of an eye, my whole life has been stolen from me
feel them crawl inside my neck,behind my eyes,inside my head
i choke and gasp to catch my breath while bloods coughed out across my chest

i know you know the truth about this fucking song
that nothings fucking over and nothings done
a hate unspoken still burns as hot
nothings forgiven
nothings forgot

because i feel no pain anymore.

The Hellbound Heart
Behold godless soul
wrought of hate for a sinners toll
awash in flesh and greed i bow
a thousands days in numbing cold
poisoned lips and poisoned cups
hidden knives and worthless fucks
a dance of death
and end of days
i worship none
none more than pain
through a pit of blades i stray,regret now blacks the light of days of younger flesh and younger hearts
where faith in time and youth still sparked the will to leave the house each day. i saw my path but chose to stray
and now i crawl on back and say ive seen my heart and youth decay.

im broken
and i hope to die alone
ive been failed by every hero ive held
ive called a burning house a home
im dying and its no ones fault but my own
ive chose to burn to this body and mind
this hellbound heart ill own

help me im in hell,among the lost to life i dwell
demons tear and shred this soul
as walking death infects the world i know

im unburied
but fucking dead.

On Hooks
everyday i feel this life is drowning me
every face to cross my path is sickening
a pit devoid of soul, of heart or empathy
i try to find a point at all but i cant see.
on these fucking hooks ill hang
to writhe and rot in iron chains
spirit guides and pills for pain
they drag me to an early grave
ive faced the truth i wont be saved
its far too late for epiphany
the cloaked ghost will strike the days
until this world is through with me

i try but i cannot relate at all
theres no place for me in this fucking world
every time i reach to try again
im knocked back down reminded who i am
with serpents eyes they smile up at me
they pull their hooks and suck dry what they need
they drop an empty corpse down at their feet
and with their cloven hooves step over me

here ill hang.

IWIWD (If you kill yourself its because youre stupid or their is something wrong with your brain, not because of this song,
if you or someone you know is using banner songs as input on life decisions you've already got problems so i strongly suggest you contact one of the many agencys available with help for depression or suicide prevention. These songs are written in contained short amounts of time,if i truly wanted to kill myself,id kill myself not write a song about it. please don't kill yourself.)

Ive got head full of bad ideas
ive got a pocket full of lead
ive got a gun down in my hand
and i put it to my head
all i do is lose
im held together by a thread
i wish to god i was never born
i wish i was fucking dead.

Sphrenia
Nothing is real
i see their shadows in the day
i hear the voices and they call my name
i know the demon by her eyes
the ice blue daggers stab
i see the liars with no face
they walk beside while they play their games
i know they're laughing at my fate
"there is no escaping" is what they say
i read the writing the on the wall
they leave their poison for me,its not too far
they lead me further down the hall
the doors are open for me,its not too far

sunset.

its getting harder just to see what is real,
this fucking nightmare i feel or what she sends when i wake
i cant tell if its my
heart or the hate
im not sure whats ok
are these friends that i see or something crueler for me?
its all her

i cannot see whats left for me
only the horror that comes to haunt the day
i cannot feel whats real in me
just phantom pain for a heart decayed

i will live forever among these mirrored walls
i will pull the curtain from where my tormentor calls
ill stalk the pale faces whose brought me to my knees
ill grasp her thin white neck as she laughs at me

Funerals
Cant get my head above the ground
cant take the heat
cant move on
i lose my thoughts within the sound
its grabs my heart and pulls me down

i feel as buried as any of them
another version of the faces i know
another pound for the weight i tow

another burial (for) a piece of me
another vision that id rather not see
another knife into the heart of me
another funeral is killing

You go on without me but im dragged along
another mark to remind me,how far ive fallen

Dusk
your arms that take
your arms invertebrate
venomous,constricting and cold
blood warms to life
tongue flickers in time
vibrations awaken your soul
the mind sheds away
you circle, break,swerve and stay
you stare so deep ,you rise so tall
you gently sway,your silhouette writhes and plays
its poison up on the wall
drumming hearts they sync and then slow
(you) whisper songs of peace and of home
whisper promise though don't show what you see
when those black diamonds stare straight through to me
flicker in time
gently entwine
daggers slide sharper than pain
rise up,around
liquid and vapor
a warmth that creeps up through my veins
now is your time
and ive walked this line
(while) you slid down deep in my soul
i fade away as you breathe your song heavy
and i take my show on the road
slide on black racer,slide on.

I am Legion (Originally some of these lyrics were lifted and used for the song "Tragedy" on our previous LP "Each breath Haunted". This is the full original version of the lyrics that the line in that song was taken from.)

I am
legion
Gadarene
for i am many
and many devils have entered me
i am legion
i am Gadarene
but these demons wont be cast from me
Abyssos, the farthest depths, from where they rose of Baal and Set
Seven serpents,seven seas, seven walls imprison me
but none shall pass without the key
and it was lain down at their feet
i welcomed them,they welcomed me
never blind
i chose not to see
the engine
the weapon
beneath the flesh
a fragile minds caverns
to hide within
an engine,a weapon is now my heart
the building of towers that crumble and fall apart
An angels boiling blood is flowing backwards through my veins
creatures feeding endlessly upon a child's pain
i am now the sum of all the demons that infest
a cancer of my own construct and built in self defense.
i am legion

Ratflesh (Originally i wrote these lyrics for a punk band i was working on, its kind of goofy but this fucking record was
getting way too heavy for me and i needed to lighten things up as i was kinda going off the deep end, besides everyone
hates their job.)

damn this place a fucking cage
damn another wasted day
at their desks like fucking dummies
making other people money
cant care less what they say
ill burn this fucker down one day
i hope this place burns to the fucking ground
with their ugly suits and cars in tow
i pray these fucking people die
with their bullshit lives and their bullshit smiles
run like rats caught in a maze
while to a desk i sit here chained
if i last another day
ill blow out my fucking brains

another day another dollar
and ill fucking sit here while my brain rots farther
but i have to play this game to pay my fucking car bill

The Father and the wayward son
The end
the union of the father and the wayward son
atop the sister peaks above the valley, Agamemnon
under angels
above the lightless fallen stars
a pale cloaked rider
circles to his call
with the countless counted
lost in confusion
await the harvest hour
await the son
the falling answers
clarity as a flood
the weaping liars
creation undone
revelation
as was told all along
the facing gates swing open
and drag their children home
so far from mercy
pay the boatmens toll
as we see the lightbringer has reclaimed his sword

they await the harvest hour
they await the descent

all i have and all i know

and it comes back to me,like a child's dream
all so familiar for things ive never seen

SUMMER OF OUR SOUL

2008-05-24T12:37:00.000-07:00

So this friday begins the The Banner summer of fuck.
Youngguns tour (lol) July were doing some headlining and then august were going out with these
dudes,You may have heard of them Doyle and Dr.Chud..yeah they were in a band or something.

I have never felt more strongly about a record than i do about Frailty.
The lyrics,the music everything is as perfect as ive yet to achieve in transferring what i wanted in my head to a record.

ill have to post the lyrics soon, since theyre not in the layout.
the layout was kinda of an epic failure.
The Layout is actually a portion of a huge poster image i created from a bunch of old woodcuts by Albrecht Durer and other artists from that period and then drew over.
due to a snafu the original format i was given to create the layout in was no longer a possibility after i had created the artwork for it, which left me scrambling to alter it in a way that wouldnt cut the balls off the artwork i created. Im not happy with it but i can release the full image in other ways and these things happen.

So when youre looking at the layout and notice the cutoff stuff at the top and wonder what was going on...here you go.

I know alot of you downloaded the leaked album already and honestly,i couldnt give a fuck,i just hope you guys choose to still purchase the record for the artwork and to help us get from place to place. Gas being almost 4 bucks a gallon and our "gaurentees"being what they are the money really helps us continue touring and stuff. Lets face it were not exactly coming home to mansions and shit . You think feeding a puppy is expensive? try getting a girlfriend (zing)

Anyway please come to the shows so i can yell things at you via a microphone.

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